Akashic Record “Prep Sheet”

About ten minutes before your meditation, take time to do these things:

1) Find a comfortable place to sit and relax. Be sure you’ll be undisturbed.

2) Have paper and pen available in case you want to take notes.

3) Close your eyes for a few minutes and focus on your breathing. On each out-breath,

relax your body - especially your shoulders and jaw.

4) If you want, say a little prayer, “Thank you (God, Spirit, Universe, Source, Higher Self…)

for the guidance, you provide today. I trust I am always loved,

connected, and shown the way through this life. All is well.” 

 Sample questions:

Why is (name) in my life? (parent, sibling, lover, partner, child, co. worker, etc)

What role is ___ in my life? (a new job, home, location, relationship, illness, etc)

What can I learn from ___ happening? (divorce, job loss, financial uncertainty, death, illness, etc)

What can I do to move out of (circumstance)?

What must I do to find (a passionate career, a meaningful relationship, a resolution to a problem, etc)?

How can I create ___ in my life (love, purpose, hope, healthy relationships, inner peace, etc)

What is the purpose of my life?

Is there anything I need to learn from a previous life?

Were (name) and I connected in a previous life?

Why is ___ happening in my life?

What can I do to continue being the best person I can be?

Why does (circumstance) keep happening in my life? (financial issues, job loss, broken heart, etc)

How can I let go of (person or circumstance) and move on?

What can I do to remain more connected to God/the Divine/Spirit/my Higher Self?

How can I be the best person I can?

How can I find more inner peace and happiness in life?

Please tell me anything that will help me in my life right now.

Cheesy Garlic Scalloped Potatoes

 Cheesy Garlic Scalloped Potatoes

Course: Casserole, Potatoes, Side Dish

Cuisine: American

Ingredients

5 lbs Russet potatoes sliced 1/8" thick

2 cups onions chopped small

6 cloves garlic minced

¼ cup butter (½ stick)

¼ cup flour

1 ½ cups vegetable broth

1 ½ cups heavy cream

1 Tbs salt

2 tsp pepper

2 tsp Slap Ya Mama® seasoning

8 oz sour cream

3 cups cheddar cheese grated, divided

1 cup pepper jack cheese grated

1 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Instructions

Preheat oven to 400° and spray a 14 x 11½ x 2¼ baking dish with a non stick spray. Set aside.

Peel and thinly slice potatoes, approximately 1/8" thick. Place in a large bowl until ready to use.

In a large frying pan, melt butter over low flame then add onions and garlic. Saute for about 4-5 minutes.

Sprinkle flour over onion mixture, stir and cook for a couple minutes.

Gently pour vegetable broth into pan and stir, add salt and pepper, seasoning and heavy cream. Stir until thickened, remove from heat just prior to boiling and then add 2 cups of cheddar cheese. Stir.

Layer 1/3 of the potato slices in baking dish then add 1/3 of the sour cream and 1/3 of the cheese sauce over the potatoes.

Top with 1/3 of the Parmesan, 1/3 pepper jack cheese and 1/3 of cheddar cheese.

Repeat layering 2 more times ending with cheddar cheese.

Cover with foil and place in oven. Cook for 1 1/2 - 2 hours.

About 15 - 20 minutes prior to potatoes being done, remove foil to brown the cheese a bit.

Remove from oven, let sit for about 15 minutes, then enjoy.

Shirley Temple Cake

 Shirley Temple Cake

 

1 Pillsbury Moist Supreme Classic White Cake Mix 

1 1/4 cup Cherry 7-up (diet should be fine)

1/3 cup vegetable oil

4 egg whites

Preheat oven to 350ºF. Grease a 9x13 inch cake pan. Blend all the ingredients for a few minutes at medium speed. Pour the batter into the cake pan. Bake about 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Cool completely before frosting.

Whipped Cherry Buttercream

4 cups powdered sugar

1/3 cup maraschino cherry juice

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 1/2 sticks cold butter (3/4 cup)

 

Combine the sugar, juice, and vanilla. Beat until combined. Cut the cold butter into chunks and add a little at a time, beating well after each addition. Continue to beat for 3 minutes on high speed until all the butter is incorporated and the buttercream is fluffy.

Frost cake and garnish with whipped cream and maraschino cherries.

 

Invictus

William Ernest Henley - 1849-1903

Out of the night that covers me,   

  Black as the Pit from pole to pole,   

I thank whatever gods may be   

  For my unconquerable soul.   

In the fell clutch of circumstance 

  I have not winced nor cried aloud.   

Under the bludgeonings of chance   

  My head is bloody, but unbowed.   

Beyond this place of wrath and tears   

  Looms but the Horror of the shade, 

And yet the menace of the years   

  Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.   

It matters not how strait the gate,   

  How charged with punishments the scroll,   

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus is a poem that focuses on the human spirit and its ability to overcome adversity. It is a rallying cry for those who find themselves in dark and trying situations, who have to dig deep and fight for their lives. The poet certainly knew hard times and needed all his strength to battle against the disease.

Invictus, meaning unconquerable or undefeated in Latin

The central idea of a poem is the poem's theme or 'what it's about' if you like. Although many shy away from poems being 'about' something, at the end of the day, the poet had something in mind when it was written, and that something is the central idea, whatever it is or might have been.

Nelson Mandela “The Invictus” – An Unconquered Soul, An Unbeaten Man. ... While spending his days in Robben Island Prison, Nelson Mandela used to recite a poem by the 18th century English poet, William Ernest Henley. This poem inspired him and other prison mates to stay put and keep going through the hard times.

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Invictus* Kálnoky László fordítása

Az égből, mely úgy hull fölém,

mint földtekére zord pokol,

bármely istent csak áldok én

lelkemért, mely meg nem hajol.

Az élet ökle letepert,

s én nem jajgattam vergődve, nem,

a véletlen dorongja vert,

s véres, de büszke még fejem.

Túl a harag, s könnyek honán

csak a homály borzalma vár,

évek fenekednek reám,

de gyávának egy sem talál.

Nem baj, ha szűk a kapu, s ha

a tekercs bármit ró ki rám,

magam vagyok sorsom ura,

lelkem hajóján kapitány. 

*Le nem győzött

Raw Leeks? Green Leeks? Dirty Leeks? How to Cook Leeks!

 Raw Leeks? Green Leeks? Dirty Leeks? How to Cook Leeks!

Leeks are a versatile vegetable, but most cooks don't take advantage of all the possibilities the bulb has to offer. Here are some answers to a few of the most common questions about leeks:

Can I eat raw leeks? Yes, you can. The white part of the bulb, thoroughly cleaned and thinly sliced, is a wonderful topping for soups, salads, and grilled meats. The flavor of raw leeks is pretty strong, but when chopped in tiny pieces, it adds a pungent kick to the meals it accompanies.

Can I eat the green part of the leeks? Absolutely. The only difference between the green part and white part is texture. The green part needs longer cooking time to soften up, like in our recipe, but it's equally flavorful.

Why are leeks so full of dirt? Leeks are protected from excessive sun exposure by piling dirt around the stems; by doing so, the stems turn out paler in color and softer in texture. Thus, a thorough wash and preparation are necessary.

How long do leeks need to be cooked? It depends on the method of cooking, as you can steam, boil, or braise them. Generally, sliced leeks need at least 7 to 10 minutes on medium-high heat; for whole smaller leeks, allow at least 12 to 15 minutes.

Sautéed spinach and leeks is a quick and easy, healthy side dish with simple ingredients and delicious flavor!

Leeks are low in calories and rich in phytochemicals. They're also among the sweetest members of the onion family, making them a perfect match for a tangy mustard vinaigrette.

Potato Leek Frittata is more similar to a quiche, with a potato crust and great flavor from the leeks.

Asparagus and Leek tart has the most amazing flavor combination from the addition of Gruyere cheese and fresh herbs. It is quick and easy to put together and the results are delicious!

Want to freeze leeks? 

The leeks will need to be blanched in order for you to freeze them properly. 

You'll need to get a pan of water boiling. 

Clean and chop the leeks. 

Get a bowl of ice water ready. 

You'll need a slotted spoon and a strainer. 

Now we're going to add a scoop of leeks into the boiling water for 3 minutes. 

After three minutes, use your slotted spoon and immediately submerge the leeks into the ice water to halt the cooking process. 

Leeks can be added to ground meat recipes; meatloaf, meatballs, and meat pies. You can also add them to many potato dishes and veggie soups. 

Eat more leeks!

The Creative Use of Imagination by Neville Goddard

 This book, as all things, came into being because of a thought acted upon. Neville

left us on October 1, 1972, and, since that time, I have invested many hours

transcribing the hundreds of tapes I have of his lectures. Neville explained that the

ark of life contained and could be understood on three levels: the literal,

psychological, and spiritual. The lectures which are available deal mainly with the

spiritual. However, because those who are now hearing his words on tapes and

reading his lectures, did not hear him speak on the second (or psychological)

level, I realized the need to provide that psychological plane as a foundation for

the higher, spiritual level. And so, the thought was planted in my mind. What if

there were some lectures that taught this principle on a practical level? Wouldn’t

it be wonderful if such a series could be found and made available for those who

would desire it. And then one day I received a letter from a lovely lady in San

Francisco who said she was moving into a retirement home and wanted to send

me some notes she had from Neville’s lecture series in San Francisco in 1952.

These notes constitute this book.

I had a thought. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if... and acted upon it by feeling the

thrill of the thought’s completion. I have never met the lady or heard from her

since receiving the notes, but I have proved, once again, that imagination

(thought) fulfills itself. The living proof is in your hands.

Now, let me tell you a bit about me. Born and raised in a small town in Kansas, I

moved to California in 1942 as a good Protestant. But I had a hunger that no

organized religion could fill, so I drifted from one belief to another, seeking yet

not finding what I was searching for, possibly because I did not know what it was.

Then one day I heard a man called Neville, and I knew that, although the outer me

did not understand his words, the inner me was singing the Hallelujah Chorus, for

I had found the cause of all life.., that my very thought, mixed with feeling, was

an imaginal act that created the facts in my world.

I remember the first night I lay in my bed and dared to claim, “I AM God.” Afraid

that the ceiling would crash down on me, I quickly covered my head -- just in

case. And when nothing happened, I gathered more courage and set out to prove

for myself that imagination could create reality. I did not believe it could, and I

wanted to prove Neville wrong. That was back in 1964, and I haven’t succeeded

yet. Not all of my imaginal acts have come to fruition, but I now know that the

fault does not lie in the teaching, but in my belief in myself. And, as I have grown

in my belief and trust and faith in what I have imagined, I have gained confidence

in my own wonderful human imagination.

Several years ago, I put together a group of lectures on Neville’s and called the

book “Immortal Man.” At the time, I was afraid to change his words even though

felt I could make the message clearer if I did.

Shortly after its publication, I turned to self one night and asked, “Is it all right to

change the words as long as I do not change the meaning? I know that if the truth

were told so that it could be understood, it would be believed. I know your words

are true, Neville, but think I can make them clearer.” I fell asleep questioning

myself and, in the night, I had this dream:

I am on my way to work. As I enter the building I see, directly before me, a

beautiful restaurant whose tables are filled with diners, enjoying their meal.

Neville is standing next to a fireplace, speaking to a group nearby. Thrilled to find

him there, I am eager to show him the book of his lectures I had just published

and question him regarding the change of words. But as I turn to take the case I

am carrying into my office, get the book and return, he glances up and catches my

eye. Instantly changing my mind, I turn and go directly into the restaurant to join

him. But when I arrive, I discover that he has vanished, leaving the ladies to tell

me that he is gone and will never return again.

Heartsick, I return to the lobby with its hard, tile floor when suddenly the case I

had been carrying fell from its handle. The moment it hit the floor, the case

opened, my book fell out and lay open at its center seam. As I looked down in

horror, I saw that I had been carrying brief ease which contained a tape recorder 

that had turned on due to the fall, and Neville’s voice was ringing out loud and

clear. Embarrassed, I stooped down to turn off the volume, only to discover that

all the knobs had fallen off the machine and there was no way for me to turn him

off. As I tried to push the case over to the far wall in order to pick it up, I awoke

with these words ringing in my ears, “I am IN you, AS you.”

From that moment on, my fears have vanished and, since that time, I have gained

confidence in my writing. These are Neville’s words – Neville’s thoughts – yet

we are so closely woven in the tapestry of thought that the words are now mine.

The lectures you will read are Neville’s words, Yet they may not have been the

exact words he spoke back in 1952. The material I had to work with noted

someone had taken in shorthand, transcribed, and duplicated. I have taken the

notes and elaborated on them. The words are true and, hopefully, understandable

enough so you can test them and discover for yourself that when the truth is

applied, it is made alive by a spiritual experience.

Always bear in mind that when Neville speaks of “man,” he is speaking of

generic man (man/woman). Man is the external world, the natural man; while

imagination is the internal world, the man of spirit. God (imagination) became the

natural man that the man of nature may become God who is Spirit.

Always think of yourself as two beings, one who sees through the organs of sense

and the other who sees through the mind of imagination. And always remember

God’s name as he revealed it to Moses. “I AM. That is who I AM. And by this

name, I shall be known throughout all generations. I AM that I AM.” I the Trinity,

in unthinkable origin, AM God the Father. And I in creative expression AM the

Son, for imagination, is born of consciousness. Therefore I, in universal

interpretation, in infinite imminence, in eternal procession AM God, the Holy

Spirit.

Margaret Ruth Broome 

http://realneville.com/pdf/Creative%20Use%20Of%20Imagination.pdf

THE TWELVE DISCIPLES - Neville Goddard

 THE TWELVE DISCIPLES - Neville Goddard

"And when he had called unto him his twelve disciples, he gave them power against unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all manner of sickness and all manner of disease." Matt.10:1. 

 

The twelve disciples represent the twelve qualities of mind which can be controlled and disciplined by man. If disciplined they will at all times obey the command of the one who has disciplined them.

These twelve qualities in man are potentials of every mind. Undisciplined their actions resemble more the actions of a mob than they do of a trained and disciplined army. All the storms and confusions that engulf man can be traced directly to these twelve ill-related characteristics of the human mind in its present slumbering state. Until they are awakened and disciplined they will permit every rumor and sensuous emotion to move them.

When these twelve are disciplined and brought under control the one who accomplishes this control will say to them, "Hereafter I call you not slaves but friends." He knows that from that moment on each acquired disciplined attribute of mind will befriend and protect him.

The names of the twelve qualities reveal their natures. These names are not given to them until they are called to discipleship. They are: Simon, who was later surnamed Peter, Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, Matthew, James the son of Alphaeus, Thaddaeus, Simon the Canaanite, and Judas.

The first quality to be called and disciplined is Simon or the attribute of hearing. This faculty, when lifted to the level of a disciple, permits only such impressions to reach consciousness as those which his hearing has commanded him to let enter. No matter what the wisdom of man might suggest or the evidence of his senses convey, if such suggestions and ideas are not in keeping with that which he hears, he remains unmoved. This one has been instructed by his Lord and made to understand that every suggestion he permits to pass his gate will, on reaching his Lord and Master (his consciousness), leave its impression there, which impression must in time become an expression.

The instruction to Simon is that he should permit only dignified and honorable visitors or impressions to enter the house (consciousness) of his Lord. No mistake can be covered up or hidden from his Master, for every expression of life tells his Lord whom he consciously or unconsciously entertained.

When Simon by his works proves himself to be a true and faithful disciple then he receives the surname of Peter or the rock, the unmoved disciple, the one who cannot be bribed or coerced by any visitor. He is called by his Lord Simon Peter, the one who faithfully hears the commands of his Lord and besides which commands he hears not.

It is this Simon Peter who discovers the I AM to be Christ, and for his discovery is given the keys to heaven, and is made the foundation stone upon which the Temple of God rests. Buildings must have firm foundations and only the disciplined hearing can, on learning that the I AM is Christ, remain firm and unmoved in the knowledge that I AM Christ and beside ME there is no savior.

The second quality to be called to discipleship is Andrew or courage. As the first quality, faith in oneself, is developed it automatically calls into being its brother, courage. Faith in oneself, which asks no man's help but quietly and alone appropriates the consciousness of the quality desired and in spite of reason or the evidence of his senses to the contrary continues faithful patiently waiting in the knowledge that his unseen claim if sustained must be realized such faith develops a courage and strength of character that are beyond the wildest dreams of the undisciplined man whose faith is in things seen.

The faith of the undisciplined man cannot really be called faith. For if the armies, medicines or wisdom of man in which his faith is placed be taken from him, his faith and courage go with it. But from the disciplined one the whole world could be taken and yet he would remain faithful in the knowledge that the state of consciousness in which he abides must in due season embody itself. This courage is Peter's brother Andrew, the disciple, who knows what it is to dare, to do and to be silent.

The next two who are called are also related. These are the brothers, James and John, James the just, the righteous judge, and his brother John, the beloved. Justice to be wise must be administered with love, ever turning the other cheek and at all times returning good for evil, love for hate, nonviolence for violence.

The disciple James, symbol of a disciplined judgment, must when raised to the high office of a supreme judge be blindfolded that he may not be influenced by the flesh nor judge after the appearances of being. Disciplined judgment is administered by one who is not influenced by appearances. The one who has called these brothers to discipleship continues faithful to his command to hear only that which he has been commanded to hear, namely, the Good. The man who has this quality of his mind disciplined is incapable of hearing and accepting as true anything either of himself or another which does not on the hearing fill his heart with love.

These two disciples or aspects of the mind are one and inseparable when awakened. Such a disciplined one forgives all men for being that which they are. He knows as a wise judge that every man perfectly expresses that which he is, as man, conscious of being. He knows that upon the changeless foundation of consciousness all manifestation rests, that changes of expression can be brought about only through changes of consciousness.

With neither condemnation nor criticism these disciplined qualities of the mind permit everyone to be that which he is. However, although allowing this perfect freedom of choice to all, they are nevertheless ever watchful to see that they themselves prophesy and do both for others and themselvesÑ only such things which when expressed glorify, dignify and give joy to the expresser.

The fifth quality called to discipleship is Philip. This one asked to be shown the Father. The awakened man knows that the Father is the state of consciousness in which man dwells, and that this state or Father can be seen only as it is expressed. He knows himself to be the perfect likeness or image of that consciousness with which he is identified. So he declares, "No man has at any time seen my Father, but I, the son, who dwelleth in his bosom have revealed him; therefore, when you see me, the son, you see my Father, for I come to bear witness of my Father." I and my Father, consciousness and its expression, God and man, are one.

This aspect of the mind when disciplined persists until ideas, ambitions and desires become embodied realities. This is the quality which states "Yet in my flesh shall I see God." It knows how to make the word flesh, how to give form to the formless.

The sixth disciple is called Bartholomew. This quality is the imaginative faculty, which quality of the mind when once awake distinguishes one from the masses. An awakened imagination places the one so awakened head and shoulders above the average man, giving him the appearance of a beacon light in a world of darkness. No quality so separates man from man as does the disciplined imagination. This I is the separation of the wheat from the chaff. Those ~ who have given most to society are our artists, scientists, inventors and others with vivid imaginations.

Should a survey be made to determine the reason why so many seemingly educated men and women fail in their after-college years or should it be made to determine the reason for the different earning powers of the masses, there would be no doubt but that imagination played the important part. Such a survey would show that it is imagination which makes one a leader while the lack of it makes one a follower.

Instead of developing the imagination of man, our educational system oftentimes stifles it by attempting to put into the mind of man the wisdom he seeks. It forces him to memorize a number of text books which, all too soon, are disproved by later text books. Education is not accomplished by putting something into man; its purpose is to draw out of man the wisdom which is latent within him. May the reader call Bartholomew to discipleship, for only as this quality is raised to discipleship will you have the capacity to conceive ideas that will lift you beyond the limitations of man.

The seventh is called Thomas. This disciplined quality doubts or denies every rumor and suggestion that are not in harmony with that which Simon Peter has been commanded to let enter. The man who is conscious of being healthy (not because of inherited health, diets or climate, but because he is awakened and knows the state of consciousness in which he lives) will, in spite of the conditions of the world, continue to express health. He could hear through the press, radio and wise men of the world that a plague was sweeping the earth and yet he would remain unmoved and unimpressed. Thomas, the doubter when disciplinedÑwould deny that sickness or anything else which was not in sympathy with the consciousness to which he belonged had any power to affect him.

This quality of denial when disciplined protects man from receiving impressions that are not in harmony with his nature. He adopts an attitude of total indifference to all suggestions that are foreign to that which he desires to express. Disciplined denial is not a fight or a struggle but total indifference.

Matthew, the eighth, is the gift of God. This quality of the mind reveals man's desires as gifts of God. The man who has called this disciple into being knows that every desire of his heart is a gift from heaven and that it contains both the power and the plan of its self-expression. Such a man never questions the manner of its expression. He knows that the plan of expression is never revealed to man for God's ways are past finding out. He fully accepts his desires as gifts already received and goes his way in peace confident that they shall appear.

The ninth disciple is called James the son of Alphaeus. This is the quality of discernment. A clear and ordered mind is the voice which calls this disciple into being. This faculty perceives that which is not revealed to the eye of man. This disciple judges not from appearances for it has the capacity to function in the realm of causes and so is never misled by appearances.

Clairvoyance is the faculty which is awakened when this quality is developed and disciplined, not the clairvoyance of the mediumistic seance rooms, but the true clairvoyance or clear seeing of the mystic. That is, this aspect of the mind has the capacity to interpret that which is seen. Discernment or the capacity to diagnose is the quality of James the son of Alphaeus.

Thaddaeus, the tenth, is the disciple of praise, a quality in which the undisciplined man is woefully lacking. When this quality of praise and thanksgiving is awake within man, he walks with the words, "Thank you, Father," ever on his lips. He knows that his thanks for things not seen opens the windows of heaven and permits gifts beyond his capacity to receive to be poured upon him.

The man who is not thankful for things received is not likely to be the recipient of many gifts from the same source. Until this quality of the mind is disciplined, man will not see the desert blossom as the rose. Praise and thanksgiving are to the invisible gifts of God (one's desires) what rain and sun are to the unseen seeds in the bosom of the earth.

The eleventh quality called is Simon of Canaan. A good key phrase for this disciple is "Hearing good news." Simon of Canaan, or Simon from the land of milk and honey, when called to discipleship, is proof that the one who calls this faculty into being has become conscious of the abundant life. He can say with the Psalmist David, "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over." This disciplined aspect of the mind is incapable of hearing anything other than good news and so is well qualified to preach the Gospel or Good-spell.

The twelfth and last of the disciplined qualities of the mind is called Judas. When this quality is awake man knows that he must die to that which he is before he can become that which he desires to be. So it is said of this disciple that he committed suicide,which is the mystic's way of telling the initiated that Judas ; the disciplined aspect of detachment. This one knows that his I AM or consciousness is his savior, so he lets all other saviors go. This quality when disciplined gives one the strength to let go.

The man who has called Judas into being has learned how to take his attention away from problems or limitations and to place it upon that which is the solution or savior. "Except ye be born again you cannot in anywise enter the Kingdom of Heaven." "No greater love hath man than this, that he give his life for a friend." When man realizes that the quality desired, if realized, would save and befriend him, he willingly gives up his life (present conception of himself) for his friend by detaching his consciousness from that which he is conscious of being and assuming the consciousness of that which he desires to be.

Judas, the one whom the world in its ignorance has blackened, will when man awakes from his undisciplined state, be placed on high for God is love and no greater love has a man than this that he lay down his life for a friend. Until man lets go of that which he is now conscious of being, he will not become that which he desires to be; and Judas is the one who accomplishes this through suicide or detachment.

These are the twelve qualities which were given to man in the foundation of the world. Man's duty is to raise them to the level of discipleship. When this is accomplished man will say, "I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do. I have glorified thee on earth and now, O Father, glorify thou me with thine Own self with the glory which I had with thee before the world was."

11th grade homeschool day in the life

https://www.jamieyorkpress.com/wp-content/uploads/bsk-pdf-manager/2017/03/Descartes-ML-Lesson-Plans.pdf

The famous speaker who no one had heard of said:

 In a 1985 column, the world's greatest columnist Jon Carroll asked for information about the phrase "I stand before you to sit behind you..." He was deluged with comments. Like many of his correspondents, I had heard a version of the phrase as a child; it's the start of a contradictory nonsense verse. The verse generally consists of a prologue followed by a brief (though bloody) story.

For this week's column, I performed an extensive Web search on the story part (which usually starts "One bright day in the middle of the night"), resulting in over a hundred Web pages which contained some version of the verse; most versions had the same basic structure, but almost every page had some slight difference from other versions.

With the results of that search in hand, combined with a couple of other sources, I now present to you the deluxe edition of the saga of the two dead boys. This version combines what I consider the best (most contradictory and best scansion) pieces of all the versions I've encountered:

The famous speaker who no one had heard of said:

Ladies and jelly spoons, hobos and tramps,

cross-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants,

I stand before you to sit behind you

to tell you something I know nothing about.

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,

there's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;

wear your best clothes if you haven't any.

Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.

Admission is free, pay at the door;

pull up a chair and sit on the floor.

It makes no difference where you sit,

the man in the gallery's sure to spit.

The show is over, but before you go,

let me tell you a story I don't really know.

One bright day in the middle of the night,

two dead boys got up to fight.

(The blind man went to see fair play;

the mute man went to shout "hooray!")

Back to back they faced each other,

drew their swords and shot each other.

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

and came and killed the two dead boys.

A paralysed donkey passing by

kicked the blind man in the eye;

knocked him through a nine-inch wall,

into a dry ditch and drowned them all.

If you don't believe this lie is true,

ask the blind man; he saw it too,

through a knothole in a wooden brick wall.

And the man with no legs walked away.

Many of the Web versions provide titles (such as "The Backward Rhyme" or "Contradiction Poem"), but almost all of the attributions are to "anonymous" or "unknown," with most people having learned it from a relative or as a jump-rope rhyme. Carment Chimento notes: "This poem was taught to me a long time ago by nobody, but her name escapes me." (That version is particularly unusual; it goes into more detail (the boys are identical twins, one black and one white) and continues the story: the boys sue the police officer, and the jury sentences them to hang in the electric chair.) One of Jon Carroll's long-ago correspondents said the poem was in a book of verse entitled Rocket in My Pocket; one of the Web pages cited "The Island of Dr. Brain" (which I believe was a computer game, and thus certainly not the original source of the rhyme).

Whatever its origins, the verse has obviously long since passed into folklore; comparing the different versions provides a fascinating snapshot of the folk process at work. Some versions are almost certainly misremembered variants of the more standard versions; others are almost certainly mishearings, misinterpretations, or perhaps simply misspellings (as with "a death policeman" in one version, and "through their swords they shot each other" in another). Some versions provide clearly intentional changes, as in "Dead Boys," a song by a musical group called Isotope Finis. The verse has been around the block a time or two; it's known in Alaska, Australia, Boston, California, Indiana, Virginia, and presumably much of the rest of the English-speaking world. (Perhaps readers can tell me if there are non-English versions extant?) It's been around since at least 1940, and is clearly still being passed along. (A surprising number of the Web versions were on "guest book" pages.)

These verses are related to other nonsense/contradictory verses, both folklore and otherwise, from songs like "Nottamun Town" ("From saddle to stirrup I mounted again / And on my ten toes I rode over the plain") to Stephen Foster's "Oh, Susannah" ("It rained so hard the day I left, the weather it was dry; / it was so hot I froze to death..."). British schoolchildren say rhymes like:

One midsummer's night in winter

The snow was raining fast,

A bare-footed girl with clogs on

Stood sitting on the grass.

and

I went to the pictures tomorrow

I took a front seat in the back,

I fell from the pit to the gallery

And broke a front bone in my back.

A lady she gave me some chocolate,

I ate it and gave it her back.

I phoned for a taxi and walked it,

And that's why I never came back.

Here's another:

'Tis midnight and the setting sun

Is slowly rising in the west.

The rapid rivers slowly run.

The frog is on his downy nest.

The pensive goat and sportive cow,

Hilarious, leap from bough to bough.

And one more to end with:

While on a Thursday morning, one Sunday night,

I saw, ten thousand miles away, a house just out of sight.

Its walls reflected inward, its front was at its back.

It stood alone between two more

and its walls were whitewash black.

Sources include the aforementioned Jon Carroll column (titled "I Stand Before You To Sit Behind You"), dozens of Web pages, and A Book of Puzzlements by Herbert (36 Children) Kohl (New York: Schocken Books, 1981), pp. 98-99, which quotes The Lore and Language of Schoolchildren by Peter Opie (London: Oxford Paperbacks, 1967).

Other versions you may have heard.

Carl Withers, Illustrated by Suzanne Suba

A rocket in My Pocket
1948


The famous speaker who no one had heard of said:
Ladles and jellyspoons, hobos and tramps,
cross-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
there's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
wear your best clothes if you haven't any.
Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free, pay at the door;
pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit,
the man in the gallery's sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
let me tell you a story I don't really know.
One bright day in the middle of the night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
(The blind man went to see fair play;
the mute man went to shout "hooray!")
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords, and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and came and killed the two dead boys.
A paralyzed donkey passing by
kicked the blind man in the eye;
knocked him through a nine-inch wall,
into a dry ditch, and drowned them all.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
ask the blind man; he saw it too,
through a knothole in a wooden brick wall.
And the man with no legs walked away.

Dear Ladies and Jellyspoons

I come before you

to stand behind you

And tell you something

I know nothing about

Next Thursday,

which is Good Friday,

there will be a Mothers meeting,

for Fathers only.

Wear your best clothes

if you haven't any,

and if you can come,

please stay at home.

Admission's free

pay at the door.

Take a seat

and sit on the floor.

It makes no difference

where you sit

The man in the gallery's

sure to spit.

the author is probably Spike Milligan, the famous UK comedy writer, and poet

Ladles and Jellyspoons,

I come before you, to stand behind you,

To tell you something I know nothing about.

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,

There will be a mothers' meeting for fathers only.

Admission is free, pay at the door,

Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.

We will be discussing the four corners of the round table.

.

Ladles and Jellyspoons,

I come before you to stand behind you

to tell you something I know nothing about.

Early in the morning in the middle of the night

two dead boys got up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other,

drew their swords and shot each other.

A deaf policeman heard the noise

and came and shot the two dead boys.

If you don't believe this lie that's true,

ask the blind man; he saw it too.

.

Ladles and Jellyspoons,

Icome before you,

to stand behind you,

and tell you something,

I know nothing about,

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,

There will be a mothers meating,

For fathers only,

Wear your best clothes,

If you haven't any,

And if you can come,

Please stay at home,

Admission free,

Pay at the door,

Take a seat,

And sit on the floor,

It makes no differance where you sit,

The man in the gallery is sure to spit.

.

Ladles and Jellyspoons:

I come before you

to stand behind you,

and tell you something I know nothing about:

As next Thursday is Good Friday,

there will be a Fathers' meeting for Mothers only.

Wear your best clothes if you don't have any,

and please stay at home, if you can be there.

Admission is free, pay at the door,

have a seat on me; please sit on the floor.

No matter where you manage to sit,

the man in the balcony will certainly spit.

I thank you for your unkind attention,

and now present the next act:

The Four Corners of the Round Table.

authors unknown